Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
A time to mourn...
Last night, we climbed in bed and as I heard myself making the usual "umpf" and "uhh" noises that apparently are necessary for a 9 month pregnant woman to make when faced with such a task, a reality hit me.
I am only going to be pregnant for 5 more days...and then that's it - forever.
(Side notes: I am being induced on Tuesday if I haven't had him by then and when I say "forever", I mean if our plan is in accord with our God's plan.)
In Ecclesiastes, God told us that there will be a time to mourn and I was struck with a preview of it last night. I expressed my thoughts to Spencer and you could tell that it effected him deeply as well. You see, we love children and if providence were up to us, my health would not be an issue during pregnancy therefore I would have the capability to care for the children already given to us during those impossible months of bedrest. Through much, and I do mean MUCH, discussion and prayer, we have decided that it would not be wise to try and have another by way of pregnancy. It is not good for our family.
The issue of family size or how one grows a family is such a sensitive topic. There are families that, through Providence, must go down a completely different road to fulfill their God-given desire for children. There are families that are abundantly blessed with child after child, the resources to provide for them and the strength to carry them. There are families that make the choice to not have any or a select number, with no providential hinderances.
God is so peculiar with His will, isn't He? He is past finding out.
I can only speak from the "lines" (Psalm 16:6) that God has drawn for me. That is my reality and in that reality, I must allow for biblical mourning - even though I could "have it much worse."
When I think of having 5 short days left to feel a human being inside of me, I am powerless to keep my eyes from spilling over in tears. Every medication, every treatment and every "Why, Lord?" has been seasoned with the knowledge of how amazing it is that I, a rebellious creature, could be so blessed to be granted this gift of life within. Feeling 3 out of the 4 residents of my womb kick me unceasingly at times and use my bladder as their personal trampoline of course gets old after weeks and months of it. It's just like any other blessing we receive - we tend to take it for granted.
I have 5 days left to relish my blessed condition. I have 5 days left of pain and discomfort and acid reflux and nausea and total lack of energy and decreased mobility and loss of bladder control....but....that means I have only 5 days left of such an awesome minutely reminder of God's amazing means of creating bodies and souls, of the guarded protection that the womb provides, of the strange joy that one can't explain. In these things, I mourn.
It's funny though of how godly mourning is inevitably mixed with godly joy. I find much joy in the lessons He has seen fit to teach me through the trials of pregnancy: lessons such as contentment with His will, thankfulness and patience. I, of course, am in joyful anticipation of holding my son in my arms and for the continued blessing of raising Him to know His Maker. I am joyful that even though this is the end of our pregnancy road, it by no means dictates how many children will be placed in our family. I am grateful to the Lord for giving us a heart for orphans and for the knowledge that a son is a son is a son - no matter by what means he came to us and furthermore, that He proved that fact in adopting us Gentiles into His family making us co-heirs with His only "natural" Son.
Dear Father in Heaven,
Please be ever with me in these last days of the this chapter of my life. Thank you for giving me the gift of knowledge about the value and sanctity of the human life and for giving me the unmerited favor of the ability of pregnancy. I am so unworthy of it. Make me mindful that I am but a vessel, like the mother of Your Son, to be used to bring glory to You and that I can do that, by Your grace, in a multitude of ways. Please continue to swirl my mourning with joy and keep me in the palm of Your Sovereign hand that I may magnify You in the ways that You choose for me. Amen.
I am only going to be pregnant for 5 more days...and then that's it - forever.
(Side notes: I am being induced on Tuesday if I haven't had him by then and when I say "forever", I mean if our plan is in accord with our God's plan.)
In Ecclesiastes, God told us that there will be a time to mourn and I was struck with a preview of it last night. I expressed my thoughts to Spencer and you could tell that it effected him deeply as well. You see, we love children and if providence were up to us, my health would not be an issue during pregnancy therefore I would have the capability to care for the children already given to us during those impossible months of bedrest. Through much, and I do mean MUCH, discussion and prayer, we have decided that it would not be wise to try and have another by way of pregnancy. It is not good for our family.
The issue of family size or how one grows a family is such a sensitive topic. There are families that, through Providence, must go down a completely different road to fulfill their God-given desire for children. There are families that are abundantly blessed with child after child, the resources to provide for them and the strength to carry them. There are families that make the choice to not have any or a select number, with no providential hinderances.
God is so peculiar with His will, isn't He? He is past finding out.
I can only speak from the "lines" (Psalm 16:6) that God has drawn for me. That is my reality and in that reality, I must allow for biblical mourning - even though I could "have it much worse."
When I think of having 5 short days left to feel a human being inside of me, I am powerless to keep my eyes from spilling over in tears. Every medication, every treatment and every "Why, Lord?" has been seasoned with the knowledge of how amazing it is that I, a rebellious creature, could be so blessed to be granted this gift of life within. Feeling 3 out of the 4 residents of my womb kick me unceasingly at times and use my bladder as their personal trampoline of course gets old after weeks and months of it. It's just like any other blessing we receive - we tend to take it for granted.
I have 5 days left to relish my blessed condition. I have 5 days left of pain and discomfort and acid reflux and nausea and total lack of energy and decreased mobility and loss of bladder control....but....that means I have only 5 days left of such an awesome minutely reminder of God's amazing means of creating bodies and souls, of the guarded protection that the womb provides, of the strange joy that one can't explain. In these things, I mourn.
It's funny though of how godly mourning is inevitably mixed with godly joy. I find much joy in the lessons He has seen fit to teach me through the trials of pregnancy: lessons such as contentment with His will, thankfulness and patience. I, of course, am in joyful anticipation of holding my son in my arms and for the continued blessing of raising Him to know His Maker. I am joyful that even though this is the end of our pregnancy road, it by no means dictates how many children will be placed in our family. I am grateful to the Lord for giving us a heart for orphans and for the knowledge that a son is a son is a son - no matter by what means he came to us and furthermore, that He proved that fact in adopting us Gentiles into His family making us co-heirs with His only "natural" Son.
Dear Father in Heaven,
Please be ever with me in these last days of the this chapter of my life. Thank you for giving me the gift of knowledge about the value and sanctity of the human life and for giving me the unmerited favor of the ability of pregnancy. I am so unworthy of it. Make me mindful that I am but a vessel, like the mother of Your Son, to be used to bring glory to You and that I can do that, by Your grace, in a multitude of ways. Please continue to swirl my mourning with joy and keep me in the palm of Your Sovereign hand that I may magnify You in the ways that You choose for me. Amen.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Remember when...
Remember when you were 17-18 years old? Anybody?
I vaguely do. Remember what kinds of sins tempted you, how much love you had for yourself? I think back on that girl and am floored that God has actually brought her as far as He has! It makes me renew my faith in sanctification and look forward to getting further and further away from who I am now ;-)
Ok - so now that you remember yourselves, will you please pray for a 17 year old girl named Alyssa, if the name crosses your mind?
Alyssa is the stereotypical, modern teenage girl: she looks 10 years older than she is, she knows it, she wants others to know it. In short, she loves attention. Also, I think she puts on a bit of an act and her countenance changes depending on who she's with.
Alyssa is the youngest child of a single mother in our church. Her mother, Denise, has been snatched from her former life by grace and is living proof that God saves to the uttermost. Because she was saved later in life and did not have the teaching we parents have today, she has lost control of her daughter.
BUT - there's hope for the hopeless!
By God's grace, Alyssa faithfully attends church, whether she listens or not. She attends most youth events that we plan. And, for about a month now, she has been meeting with me to go through Nancy Leigh DeMoss's book "Lies Young Women Believe." I am using the book as a jumping off point for meaningful conversations.
Even now, as I type, my eyes swell with tears. My God, who took me through many of the same circumstances and sins of this girl (divorced parents/a father who was not much of a father), is USING me! How wonderful to know that what Satan meant for evil, God used for good in my life!
Please pray for continued success. A trust has been established to where she feels comfortable opening up, but there is still a bit of an actress left, I feel. But, then again, that may be a temptation in all of us - saved or lost.
Specifically, pray for:
-Her to feel her burden (like Christian in Pilgrim's Progress), a heavy weight knowing that she can't live up to God's standard of perfection.
-Her to have a sort of 'breakdown' about it.
-His kindness that leads to repentence.
-Me to speak the truth boldly but perfectly seasoned with grace and love.
-To be a good listener (sometimes just saying stuff outloud to someone ignites the Holy Spirit to do His
work, doesn't it?)
Thanks girls! May God be glorified and perform all His holy will.
I vaguely do. Remember what kinds of sins tempted you, how much love you had for yourself? I think back on that girl and am floored that God has actually brought her as far as He has! It makes me renew my faith in sanctification and look forward to getting further and further away from who I am now ;-)
Ok - so now that you remember yourselves, will you please pray for a 17 year old girl named Alyssa, if the name crosses your mind?
Alyssa is the stereotypical, modern teenage girl: she looks 10 years older than she is, she knows it, she wants others to know it. In short, she loves attention. Also, I think she puts on a bit of an act and her countenance changes depending on who she's with.
Alyssa is the youngest child of a single mother in our church. Her mother, Denise, has been snatched from her former life by grace and is living proof that God saves to the uttermost. Because she was saved later in life and did not have the teaching we parents have today, she has lost control of her daughter.
BUT - there's hope for the hopeless!
By God's grace, Alyssa faithfully attends church, whether she listens or not. She attends most youth events that we plan. And, for about a month now, she has been meeting with me to go through Nancy Leigh DeMoss's book "Lies Young Women Believe." I am using the book as a jumping off point for meaningful conversations.
Even now, as I type, my eyes swell with tears. My God, who took me through many of the same circumstances and sins of this girl (divorced parents/a father who was not much of a father), is USING me! How wonderful to know that what Satan meant for evil, God used for good in my life!
Please pray for continued success. A trust has been established to where she feels comfortable opening up, but there is still a bit of an actress left, I feel. But, then again, that may be a temptation in all of us - saved or lost.
Specifically, pray for:
-Her to feel her burden (like Christian in Pilgrim's Progress), a heavy weight knowing that she can't live up to God's standard of perfection.
-Her to have a sort of 'breakdown' about it.
-His kindness that leads to repentence.
-Me to speak the truth boldly but perfectly seasoned with grace and love.
-To be a good listener (sometimes just saying stuff outloud to someone ignites the Holy Spirit to do His
work, doesn't it?)
Thanks girls! May God be glorified and perform all His holy will.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Gettin' Creative
So, curtains are so expensive aren't they? It really is just a long piece of fabric hemmed but they charge so much money for 1 panel!
I was at Target the other day and found a tablecloth I liked. I thought it may be too busy for a table so I thought about using it for a curtain. They are the exact same length as standard curtains, too! So I bought a couple packages of those clip-on rings for the top and hung them up - voila!
Two curtain panels for $3.47 each ;)
Try it! It's so fun and simple!
I was at Target the other day and found a tablecloth I liked. I thought it may be too busy for a table so I thought about using it for a curtain. They are the exact same length as standard curtains, too! So I bought a couple packages of those clip-on rings for the top and hung them up - voila!
Two curtain panels for $3.47 each ;)
Try it! It's so fun and simple!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
A Mother's paycheck
Being a mom who has been blessed to see her first priority on this earth is DIFFICULT work. I was telling Spencer yesterday, through tears of frustration, that being a stay-at-home mom is not a fairy tale. You don't get any payment that shows you did anything, and everything that you know you did that got undone wasn't appreciated by anyone (at least to the extent you thought it should have been). The world thinks we may have it easy, but if we are really doing what we're supposed to be, "easy" is not the word I'd use.
Deuteronomy 6: 4-7 commands us (parents, especially to moms, I think):
"Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise."
With that job requirement in mind, maybe the world could see why it would be so tempting for me to not want to "rise" each morning. The battle between self and love for Christ is waging every minute. Did He leave any time out up there in that verse? Does He really mean ALL of the time?
Every morning I rise, every night my head hits the pillow in failure... but praise the Lord! - every screw up has already been forgiven and not only that (as if that isn't amazing enough), but is being used to teach me and sanctify me! Is there really any other way a mother, with such a burden as what's been commanded of her above, would not fall into the abyss of depression?
And then God gives you those random, fleeting moments when your children actually heard what you taught them! They confess their sins in order to find mercy; they ask forgiveness with genuine sorrow; they show kindness to their sibling without knowing that someone is watching; out of their mouths come Truth. Thank You, Father.
That must be a mother's paycheck.
Deuteronomy 6: 4-7 commands us (parents, especially to moms, I think):
"Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise."
With that job requirement in mind, maybe the world could see why it would be so tempting for me to not want to "rise" each morning. The battle between self and love for Christ is waging every minute. Did He leave any time out up there in that verse? Does He really mean ALL of the time?
Every morning I rise, every night my head hits the pillow in failure... but praise the Lord! - every screw up has already been forgiven and not only that (as if that isn't amazing enough), but is being used to teach me and sanctify me! Is there really any other way a mother, with such a burden as what's been commanded of her above, would not fall into the abyss of depression?
And then God gives you those random, fleeting moments when your children actually heard what you taught them! They confess their sins in order to find mercy; they ask forgiveness with genuine sorrow; they show kindness to their sibling without knowing that someone is watching; out of their mouths come Truth. Thank You, Father.
That must be a mother's paycheck.
Monday, February 14, 2011
My Four year old's DRAGON Birthday!
Everyday for 2 weeks, Isaiah has been asking me about when his Dragon Birthday is going to be. He was so excited about it that everytime he asked, he whispered for special effect..."MOM! I'm going to have a Dragon Birthday..." - with big excited eyes and a smirky grin.
He fell in love with the movie, "How to Train Your Dragon" and since then decided dragons are for him (because they turn nice, of course).
Well, it takes about 5 minutes to upload one photo so, that's all for now.
It was a GREAT weekend of celebrating!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Crows and Cardinals
I want to sing to my kids more often.
When Isaiah was growing inside of me, I was basically bed-ridden and so I had a lot of time on my hands. I couldn't read because it made me more sick, so I sang to him, mostly "Great is Thy Faithfulness" and an old Raffi song called "Baby Beluga" that we sang in grade school (I know - quite the spectrum :)
After he was born and we would be driving in the car somewhere, he always seemed to be hungry or something. Whimpering would turn to weeping and weeping to wailing and the ONLY thing that could calm him was me singing. His favorite was Baby Beluga ;). I cannot tell you how many times I sang that very short song over and over and over to him. Annoying song, but so worth it.
Well, in the business of the now-a-days, I forget to sing. I find myself more like a crow than a cardinal.
I set these little resolutions for myself and then I inevitably fail for the most part, but I still ask God to remind me.
When my kids grow up and start writing their own blogs, my prayer is that somewhere on it they might write something like, "I remember my mom singing a lot. I learned my catechism, my Bible verses and a whole lot of what I know about Jesus because she sang it."
When Isaiah was growing inside of me, I was basically bed-ridden and so I had a lot of time on my hands. I couldn't read because it made me more sick, so I sang to him, mostly "Great is Thy Faithfulness" and an old Raffi song called "Baby Beluga" that we sang in grade school (I know - quite the spectrum :)
After he was born and we would be driving in the car somewhere, he always seemed to be hungry or something. Whimpering would turn to weeping and weeping to wailing and the ONLY thing that could calm him was me singing. His favorite was Baby Beluga ;). I cannot tell you how many times I sang that very short song over and over and over to him. Annoying song, but so worth it.
Well, in the business of the now-a-days, I forget to sing. I find myself more like a crow than a cardinal.
I set these little resolutions for myself and then I inevitably fail for the most part, but I still ask God to remind me.
When my kids grow up and start writing their own blogs, my prayer is that somewhere on it they might write something like, "I remember my mom singing a lot. I learned my catechism, my Bible verses and a whole lot of what I know about Jesus because she sang it."
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